18 February 2007
sunday scribblings: crush


Prompt #47: Crush


I read this prompt on Friday, and I had so wanted to go the fiction route...a fast-moving piece about the planning and scheming to make a meeting with a crush seem so natural, the mix of nervousness and excitement that bubbles inside as the crush approaches. It likely would’ve been heavily based on reality being the self-proclaimed Queen of the Crush that I am. Or at least was for the major part of my life.

But I kept coming back to the same idea, or the same idea kept taunting me I should say. And every writer knows that when something nags at you, you get your fingers to the keyboard and stop asking questions.

“Because your kiss, your kiss is on my list…” he sang into the mirror of the sun visor pressed against the windshield. His big brown eyes focused on me, the four-year-old in the back seat. I probably rolled my eyes, because I always rolled that way, but inside I was smiling. I’m sure of it.

Our families were good friends, but theirs didn’t have a little girl. On top of that, I was the youngest of anyone, so I was rather spoiled with attention. His mom treated me like a daughter, and I ended up with two big brothers in addition to the one I already had; the oldest of the bunch became, as I can understand now with adult eyes, My First Crush.

Even at an early age, I remember feeling safe with him while my own brother, his brother, and even his father tormented me. And so I ran to MFC when I couldn’t take any more teasing, and he was always there to hold me, play with me, and generally calm me down.

He was only a teenager at the time, so you can imagine that he was mature beyond his years (at least as it concerned me). All I knew, though, is that I liked being around him more than anyone for the first five or so years of my life. And for a kid, that says a lot. One might even say that it says everything.

And then about that time, our families had a falling out of some sort that didn’t involve any of the kids, but oh, did it affect us; MFC went away to college and then moved away, and well, all of us lost touch.

I don’t remember the details of that period very well, but there were surely times that I missed seeing him, laughing with (at!) him, and generally being fawned over. Who wouldn’t love that kind of devotion? But it passed, obviously, because many more crushes followed.

I’m a long-term crusher, so I basically kept the same boy in mind through elementary school, then switched to a new one in high school, a different one in college. Law school, as any law school survivor won't find surprising, lacked a real crush opportunity--a sad three years without looking forward to accidentally running into a special someone on purpose.

Isn’t that the best thing about a crush? Unrequited love is never fun, but, oh, that rush of emotion when you see your crush unexpectedly (or expectedly, as the case may be), when you’re suddenly thrown into a conversation, when you’re daydreaming about those fateful meetings, when you’re recounting them later to the chosen few who know of your infatuation.

*Sigh*

Sure over time, thoughts and imaginings become more mature, but at the base of it, a crush is so innocent and young--a raw, guttural, overwhelming like for someone and his/her presence. If we’re lucky, our crushes always hold special places in our hearts.

And if I’m anything, I’m lucky.

Over the past year, I’ve been able to return to that oft-forgotten corner of my childhood. Why? Because MFC came across my name on our high school’s alumni list (I graduated 12 years after he did) and sent me an email.

He started with the suggestion that maybe I didn't remember who he was. Hah!
He wrote of memories of my grandmother and times spent with my family when he was younger--priceless stuff especially since my grandmother had passed away a few years before.

I was ecstatic to hear from him, that he’s doing well, is happily married, successful, and just as funny and generally wonderful as ever. Now we’ve gotten to know each other as adults after sharing just a few years of childhood, which is quite a surreal experience. For him, I imagine that my life took a hiatus right around the phase of the froofy pink dress (wanna make somethin' of it?), and his, as far as I could tell, never progressed past Hall & Oates.

Good thing for both of us that we've moved on.

In fact, in one of those Internet-inspired twists of fate, we’ll be moving closer together for at least one day soon--he and his wife are on their way to southern Italy in April, and we’ll see each other for the first time in, oh, 25 years.

I’m only 30 years old, peeps, so this is some amazing stuff.

Through our emails, I’ve learned even more about my early years from his memories. Recently he wrote that when the house was full of company and I didn't want to go to bed thereby missing any of the fun, he was the go-to guy to get me to sleep. He (correctly) joked that putting girls to sleep was certainly no skill to brag about later in life, so he didn't talk about it much, but there you have it.

I don’t remember any of that, but the fact that he does? Wow.

Such a warm fuzzy feeling to know that I, too, hold a place in my first crush’s heart.

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18 Comments:

Blogger Waspgoddess said...

Oh, you're gonna see him again... That's so exciting. I'm not sure I would be able to cope with the tension, the anticipation, and above all the fear of being disappointed. But I'd still want it...

I hope you'll blog about it in April. Btw, does he read your blog?

Anonymous nova said...

How exciting, to see your crush of 25 years ago! Under the same circumstances I think it would have absolutely delighted me to realize I made such an impression... that he remembered you all these years and looked you up later. What an amazing story.

I do hope to hear more in April!

Blogger sognatrice said...

I think I'd have more of a fear of being disappointed if we hadn't been corresponding via email; as it is, I'm not worried at all.

And if I'm given the OK to blog about it, I most certainly will share word of the reunion...yes, "MFC" does read the blog :)

Anonymous heather said...

I really enjoyed reading this post. Wonderful, and I can't wait to hear how the reunion turns out.

Blogger Cherrye said...

Great writing, Michelle...cute as always...you mentioned once that you were a "jealous" person...Is P? Good thing HE doesn't read the blog. :)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW...I can only imagine the pressure that has now been placed on MFC to deliver a reunion experience, worthy of your 25 years of personal equity, that has now been revealed to him...and your ever expanding blogosphere.

MFC certainly sounds like a person, that I'd probably be counting the days to meet again.

You mentioned that MFC will be visiting with his wife...which makes me wonder if he shouldn't be more worried about her meeting P...a young romantic Italian gentleman, who has already proven his powers of capturing the heart of at least one American woman, that's crossed his path.

I found this story to be so interesting on so many levels, I can't imagine that you would not want to follow your dreams with it...and allow everyone in on this experience. You do write so well...and I guarantee you, that I'd buy everything you ever had published.

MFC...I wish you the very best of luck in your upcoming journey...the pressure's on...and you may need it! :)

Blogger Regina Clare Jane said...

Wow- what a nice story! It is exciting you will see him again! I'd be quaking in my boots after all that time!

Anonymous tongue in cheek said...

Wow! How exciting!! Oh la la as the say here in France!

Blogger paris parfait said...

It's always nice to hear from an old crush, out of the blue! And to learn about your early childhood from him is really special. Hope you have a wonderful visit!

Blogger Novel Nymph said...

If you are lucky, than we are lucky that you shared your crush history. I love the way you and MFC met up again. It was so sweet--even if not the traditional romantic ending I would have hoped for...but it was definitely another kind of lovely!:)

Novel

Anonymous KG said...

How wonderful and satisfying that you'll get to see him again after all these years! You'll have to right a follow-up for us — please? ;)

How sweet that you're crush started at 4 years old. It's a reminder to give children respect for the deep emotional complexities they already feel at such a young age.

Blogger Bongga Mom said...

At 4 years old? Interesting, in my post this week I also wonder whether crushes at that age are genuine (in my case, the crushes of my 3-year-old sons). I think they are, actually, and your experience proves it.

In any case, how romantic!!! Will you be fluttery as a feather or cool as a cucumber when you do meet him? I think I would turn into a giggly schoolgirl again if I saw one of my crushes.

Blogger sognatrice said...

Thanks for all the feedback! I suppose since this wasn't a real adult-like crush (although one that obviously left an impression), I really don't have all those feelings of nervousness about the meeting--and definitely nothing romantic! For me, it'll be seeing an old friend, an older brother after far too long...even if he was feeling a little "anonymous" in the comments yesterday ;)

Blogger gautami tripathy said...

Good piece of writing. I feel so happy for you that you will see him again. You having a special place in his heart too. It made me feel good after reading this.


gautami
Painfully yours..

Anonymous Frances said...

Ohmigosh this is so cool. My first crush was a pizza guy named Roberto - that was when I was 13 - so that is 32 years ago. It would be so amazing to see him, and find out what happened after he left Manhattan.
I am so looking forward to reading updates on this.
Thanks for visiting.
Ciao bella.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's no fooling you, huh? ;)

Thanks for stopping by. That's a great story. I'm glad that you shared it with us and hope the visit goes well.

Blogger Shan said...

Loved reading this. Reminds me of my first little girl crush.

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